Lovey-dovey texts? Check.
Pet names? Ready to go.
Dirty talk? No dice.
Sometimes, you’re gearing up to drop a sexy line just to have your brain go blank, like writer block but in an intimate moment. Dirty talk during sex leaves many people tongue-tied, stumbling over words, resorting to tried-and-true but tired phrases or awkward laughs.
Learning how to talk dirty without feeling like you’ve stepped into a cliché is an art, and your cheat sheet is below. Even if your bedroom banter has never been better, we can guarantee you’ll learn something new.
So let’s start off with the basics, what is dirty talk?
Dirty talk is the use of provocative language to enhance a sexual experience. Pet names, sexual commands, insults, and vivid erotic imagery are common dirty talk themes that can be used to embellish your erotic encounters.
Dirty talk is not just confined to the bedroom- it can take place before, during, or after a sexual experience with the goal of provoking, exciting, or arousing the listener.
Sexting, thirst traps and sliding into those DM’s
Gone are the days of arranging your booty calls via carrier pigeon. These days messaging apps & dating platforms are able to facilitate virtual encounters that offer new & creative ways to talk dirty. There are so many different ways to play in this digital playground, we’ve had to create special names in order to differentiate them. Take a look at five ways that people are redefining dirty talk in cyberspace:
1.0 Sexting
Sexting is a versatile form of dirty talk that involves sending sexually explicit messages, photos, videos, and/or audio recordings on a messaging app, dating app, or social sharing platform.
2.0 Thirst Trap
A (typically provocative & revealing) self-portrait designed to attract attention, most commonly in the form of compliments and praise. The term Thirst Trap first appeared on twitter in 2011, meant to embody the desperate (aka thirsty) characteristics of early 2000’s selfie culture.
3.0 Sliding Into (Your/Their) DM’s
Soliciting a romantic or sexual conversation, typically with a total stranger, via a direct message (DM). “Sliding into DMs” is generally viewed as a low-risk way to indicate your romantic interest in a person.
Now that we know some of the terms let’s move on to enhancing your dirty talk!
Recycle Turn Off Words
There are very few examples of what dirty talk sounds like outside of pornography so we often look to it as a source of inspiration, but pornography highlights a very specific style of dirty talk.
If the “cum dumpster” vibe isn’t making you feel cute- recycle it. Dirty talk is most erotic when it feels genuine and authentic, so stick to terms that feel natural and familiar to you.
Vocalize What You See/Smell/Taste/Hear/Feel
Describing what you see, smell, taste, hear, and feel can allow your loved ones to tap in to your sensual experience, heightening excitement, and increasing pleasure. Take a look at these sentence starters to see how you can invite your partner into your sensory experience:
You look so sexy when…
Do you feel how…
I love how you…
That feels amazing when…
Talk Back
Conversations are not one sided. When we fail to respond to or validate our partners, we can make them feel discouraged and reluctant to engage. Talking dirty requires us to be vulnerable with one another- and that deserves acknowledgement. A simple “Yes, ma’am,” or “Thank you, daddy” can take your dirty talk experience to the next level.
Ask Questions
Asking questions is the foundation for any great sexual experience and can reveal incredible details about your partners sexual preferences, kinks and fantasies. If you find that your running low on original material, asking questions can be a wonderful way to reclaim the moment. Just be sure not to go overboard- most of us aren’t looking to be interrogated when we’re getting intimate.
Compliment Your Partners Performance
Validation can sound very different in the context of some of our most intimate encounters. Have fun with creating different ways to compliment your partner for their performance, attitude, appearance, or sportsmanship.
Master Your Inflection & Pitch
Say it like you mean it. Do you want to fuck me or do you want to fuck me? Pitch and inflection can influence a person’s sexual experience in dramatic ways.
Keep it NSFW
The best thing about dirty talk? You can do it anywhere, anytime. Thanks to modern technology, you can send a virtual calling card from anywhere in the world with complete discretion. This has not only revolutionized long-distance relationships, but has created an avenue for couples to commune digitally outside the walls of their home.
Wrapping up this dirty talk how-to guide, it’s essential to touch on one more thing: Insecurity and doubt. It’s totally normal to feel insecure, uncomfortable, or like you lack self-confidence when you start learning how to talk dirty. Explicit dialogue, whether in person, via text, or phone sex, can be intimidating, especially if it’s unfamiliar territory.
But everyone starts somewhere.
Lets vibe strives to help everyone in every department of the bedroom, and this is just one of many blogs that can help!
Keep reading and remember, keep it dirty and let’s continue vibing.
Shay Lassen